Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA

A poll finds 56% of voters think the country is better off than it was 4 eons ago, a brutally honest new Revlon ad campaign reminds customers you can't change who you are, and a bodybuilder's veins are now outside of his skin. It's the week of May 9, 2014.

Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion
Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion
More Breaking News: http://www.theonion.com/video/